Wonderful party cups supplied to us for our Budweiser Backyard BBQ for July 4th!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
A minor update…
I have had several people request/suggest I put a “donate” button on the blog as a means of more widely reaching people for fundraising. That button should be to the right of the daily posts. I continue to appreciate all of your love and support. Sometimes I sit here and wonder how I was blessed to have such wonderful people in my life. You have all touched me in some way and I can never repay you or thank you for all the positive words, thoughts, prayers, love and support you’ve shown me and also my family!
You can bet that if there is ever a time any of you are in need, I will do everything within my capabilities to help in some way!
We are now only 8 days away from my surgery date and surprisingly, I haven’t really worried over it too much. There are some moments throughout the day where I will find myself having one small thought about it and then drifting off into a world of questions, fears and doubts… but then I remember everything all of my family and friends have done for me and I’ll be damned if I let that go to waste by being scared all the time. You’ve all really helped to lift me up in this though time and I simply can’t thank you all enough.
I also need to take a minute to send a HUGE thanks to my family. Anyone who knows us personally, knows that we’ve dealt with more than our fair share of family dramas, loss and sadness over these last 2 years. We are approaching the 2-year mark in a few days of when we lost our Papa to cancer. Also, in a few more days would be my other Grandpa’s birthday, but we also lost him in 2009 to cancer. No matter what all the other issues are within the family – everyone has really pulled together in one way or another to offer not only me, but Tony and Gracie, a lot of love and support! I love you all.
I can’t forget Tony as well. We have also been through so much in our relationship and he has never doubted me, or us. He has always loved me unconditionally. It seems like it’d be impossible to just continue to love someone more and more each day, but I know that’s what we have between us.. a love that just keeps growing no matter what. I am also so thankful for our beautiful daughter, Gracie! Without her smile, charm, intelligence and wonderful personality – I don’t think I could make it through most days.
I hope you’re all blessed in your lives with as much love and happiness as I have been blessed with – and will continue to experience once I get through this difficult time. Have a wonderful night!
Love,
Heather
PS: I don’t think I’ve done it yet, so I am adding some images here from my MRI:
Monday, June 27, 2011
Another update to my diagnosis….
You have all been so amazing, kind and wonderful to my family and I. I know I’ve said it hundreds of times already but we really are so very thankful and blessed to have so many wonderful people looking out for us!
I just spoke to a nurse at the hospital about an hour ago. My surgery has been scheduled for July 6th. I am fearful, which I always hear is normal, but I am trying to stay as positive as a I can. They are going to try and be as aggressive as safely possible and try for a complete resection. (complete removal) During the surgery they will also send part of my tumor to have a biopsy. (It’s so weird saying “my tumor” – as if it’s some personal belonging that I want to have… which isn’t the case at all!)
I can happily add that yesterday was the first day I have made it through without crying at some point since I found out 10 days ago about the tumor. It’s amazing what positive and happy thoughts and surroundings can do for you. I’ve tried to keep myself as busy as possible to keep my mind from roaming out into the world of “what ifs”. It’s pretty easy to keep busy too when I have my 20 month old daughter to chase after, my boyfriend to clean up after (haha, babe!), college classes to keep up with, a house to clean everyday, and all my wonderful friends and family to visit and spend time with. Speaking of spending time with friends – Tony and I had a wonderful time at the Tim McGraw concert Saturday night. I was able to just relax and have fun with wonderful people. A few times I heard Tony talking to some of the others about the tumor. Discussing it with those who didn’t know – and this may sound odd but it was comforting to hear them off in the distance replying to Tony with “Wow! I had no idea, I thought she was just here having fun.” …and that I was! I was glad to be able to stand up through everything scary and unknown and just let loose and enjoy the night.
One of the most “memorable” parts of the night, in a “make-you-hair-stand-up-give-you-Goosebumps” kind of way, was when Tim McGraw performed “Live Like You Were Dying”. Warm tears streamed down my face as I swayed back and forth to the music with Tony’s arms around me. Soon we felt more and more arms come up around us hugging us into a giant group hug. For this song, and this song only, the entire audience was singing loudly. Unbeknownst to them, I was off in my own little circle of love, friends and family, feeling this song really hit home for me. It really was such an incredible moment, and tumor or not, everyone should feel free and happy to “live like you were dying” at some point in their life – and do something exciting and breathtaking. That song now has an entirely new meaning and story for me. I can’t wait to attend more wonderful events like this! (and I will!!!)
One thing I want to touch on quickly.. if I seem “unappreciative” or “untouched” by all of your kinds words, prayers, thoughts, offerings, love and everything else – I’m not. I appreciate each and every one of you and the things you have done for my family and I in our time of need and for everything you’ve offered for our future. I don’t know how to say “thank you” and “we really appreciate” it without sounding like a broken record. So please, from the bottom of my heart, know how dear you all are to me and how much it really does mean to us!
HAVE A FANTASTIC MONDAY!
Love,
Heather
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Day 175
I’m just going to post a few snapshots for today. Yesterday Tony and I joined some friends for the Tim McGraw concert. It was a really great time. Here’s a few photos:
Newest info on my diagnosis….
Hello all and sorry for the delay in updating you all on what happened yesterday at the meeting with the surgeon. By the time we got out of the meeting we were in a mad dash to get Mom (Gamma) home, rush myself home, get Gracie and myself ready and then get to Kendall High School to watch my little brother graduate high school.. That was his moment and I didn't want to take attention from him. Now, as for the updates......
First of all - the surgeon is a very nice guy and had a more positive sounding tone than that of the first neurosurgeon I met with. The MRIs and x-rays I had done on Thursday June 23rd came back FINE! (big sigh of relief!!!) That means there was no tumors in my spinal area or chest!
The area in my brain that my tumor is located is a fairly small area to fit the size of the tumor I have. It is into my 4th ventricle and is also pressing into my brain stem. There's also a cluster of nerves that the tumor is against and those nerves control head and neck movements as well as the facial movements, tongue movements, eye movements and swallowing.
They think that the type of tumor I have is an ependymoma and it's a rare one, only about 2-3% of cases in adults are ependymomas. (I swear, I always end up with the rare things in life... Just take Tony for example :-) He's been so great throughout this and I love him so much!!!! <3 <3) This is something more common in children. We won't know what type of tumor it is until I am in surgery and they send a sample of it off to be tested. With ependymomas, they want to try and be very aggressive with surgery.
We have a tentative date for surgery.. well actually 2 possible dates right now. The first date is Jule 6th and the next day is July 11th. Right now they have to check out their current operating schedules and move things around. It's not an emergency to get me in right away but we definitely want this taken care of sooner rather than later.
We asked about how long he thinks I had this tumor and he said if he had to estimate, he'd say a couple years. All in all, I am very lucky we found this when we did. There were many obstacles, time constraints and shifted appointments that we had to overcome to even get in for my first doctor's appointment which started the line of appointments which eventually got me diagnosed. While I'd rather of not had anything to be diagnosed with, I am thankful someone was watching over me and helped me find this thing before it got too far down the road.
I hope that I've been able to answer some of your questions. My family and I probably still have many of our own that will come up in the meantime but I felt a little more at ease yesterday after speaking with the surgeon. (yes, even after my emotional breakdown in front of them all.) It's still going to be a very difficult road and I am going to have moments of complete sadness and fear - this is all normal. I will say that I have been put on anxiety medication so hopefully this can help me to be a little more calm for now.
My family and I want to thank all of you for your overwhelming amount of love, support, well wishes, daily thoughts, daily prayers, hugs, shared tears, encouragement and kind words! Without all of you - it'd make this road much more difficult. You have all opened your hearts, homes and schedules to us! We love you all and you'll forever have a place in my heart!
<3 Heather
Friday, June 24, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Day 173
Just a snapshot but I really loved this one of Gracie playing on her friend’s trampoline haha!
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
:-)
I promise I haven’t forgotten this blog! I have photos to post I have just been very busy and had a scare today and was in the hospital for a few hours. I have 2 shoots later so I’ll definitely get everything updated later tonight or early tomorrow! Thanks again for all of the love and support!!!
Monday, June 20, 2011
Day 170
I really just love how this one turned out. This is one of the lilies my Mom brought me. It’s my fave flower!
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Day 169
Gracie and I took a stroll with Aunt Desi, along the canal side in Medina! :-) It was so pretty there!
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Day 168
A quick snap shot today. We all took Dad out for Father’s Day dinner and Gracie was excited to find “peesa” in the menu!
Special Note <3
First and foremost, I want to thank each and every one of my blog followers, friends, family and anyone who has stopped by to view my blog at any time. Your support means so much to me and gives me encouragement to keep going with this!
As many of you know, yesterday I was diagnosed with a brain tumor after an MRI scan. (possibly two tumors) Over the next week or so I will be schedule for numerous tests which include more MRIs, x-rays and probably other tests. I fear for what else these tests may reveal but I know that in order to create and proceed with my treatment plan, we must first have the big picture of everything we’re dealing with.
After the MRI, I felt something was wrong when they said “Go have a seat back in the waiting room and the dr will speak with you”, but then I told myself “no, it’s just routine for them to talk to you after an MRI.” That is, until I realized every single other person went in for their MRI and then walked right out the front doors and went on with life. Soon the receptionist called me over and whispered to me “they’re still trying to get in touch with your doctor but someone will be out to speak to you shortly.” I felt sick to my stomach waiting to figure out why they picked me out of everyone there to “stay and talk to the doctor.”
It felt like something you only see in sad movies. Patient goes into a small room that has that yucky hospital smell and doctor says “I’m sorry to inform you that ______ (insert horrible diagnosis). Unfortunately, that’s exactly what I got. “I am sorry to inform you that you have a brain tumor”, and in that moment it felt like my whole world came crashing down. I cried so hard I thought I might have a panic attack. I haven’t cried like that since loosing both of my Grandpas to cancer in 2009. I felt like I needed to have 1,000’s of questions but nothing would come to mind. My biggest, scariest thought in that moment was “I don’t want Gracie growing up without a Mommy.” I thought about everything my family has continuously gone through over the last 2 years and how I was about to add something huge to that weight. (I thought “they” said bad things come in threes… not in 10’s?!)
After getting the MRI, I was sent over to another building to meet with the neurosurgeon. I was told he’d meet with me right away. Well of course I had a days worth of paperwork to fill out and could hardly write with everything on my mind. At this point, Papa was there to watch Gracie. I was finally called back into the room where the neurosurgeons assistant came in. She was so cheery and reminded me of one of my good friends. She asked “Hi, doing good today?” – She’s lucky I didn’t smack her. (note to self: take a deep breath, it’s not her fault.) She did the usual tests on me that I’d been getting from every doctor. “Hold you arms up, now I’m going to try and pull but don’t let me.” She repeated this with my legs and feet as well. Oh, time to check reflexes now. I swear, my body didn’t have any at that point. I was numb. She soon left. I waited in there, crying, as Tony held me and told me over and over again, “Babe, we’re going to get through this. It’s nothing!” (He always has been such a positive person, always trying to make light in any situation so everyone can be happy. It’s one of the things I love most about him!)
The neurosurgeon came in. I swear, these people are either way too used to their jobs or they hide their emotions really well because you’d think I was there to get a band-aid on a cut. He was so calm. He showed Tony and I the scans of my brain. It looked like some meteorologist's weather map. When he pointed out the tumor, I felt a huge knot in my stomach. As bad as it sounds, I was hoping they’d realize at some point that maybe they got my scans confused with scans from another person. That wasn’t the case. I knew as soon as he showed us where the tumor is, that it wasn’t good. “It’s very deep in the brain” he shared with us, “and it looks fairly large.” Tony knows me so well that without me saying anything, he knew I really needed him after hearing that and he stood right next to me, again, holding me as I sat there crying. The neurosurgeon asked if we had any questions but it was like I couldn’t get my mouth to cooperate and ask anything. I felt a total disconnect and felt like I was experiencing one of those bad hangovers where you lay down and everything around you is spinning. Tony finally asked “will the tumor just get bigger?” and the doctor replied “with this, it can get bigger and you can die and then _______________________.” As soon as he said “die” it’s like someone hit a switch and shut my ears off and I didn’t understand his next few words.
So, it’s difficult to understand at this point but we don’t have any solid answers. We know there’s a tumor (possibly two) but we don’t know what kind, if it’s benign or malignant, what my exact treatment will be. In a way, it seems like we left with as much knowledge as we came there with, which is pretty much nothing. I do know that next week will consist of many tests and then my doctors will be putting all the tests together and coming up with a plan for my treatment. The words “surgery”, “chemo” and “radiation” were all tossed around during the conversation but again, nothing is set in stone.
So, I went and enjoyed lunch, crispy chicken nuggets (or ticken nunnets as Gracie calls them) with Tony, Gracie, Mom, Dad, Desi and Bub. I am so thankful they were all there to help us and support us in such a difficult and scary time. My phone was “blowing up” as everyone calls it these days with tons of messages of love, support, thoughts, prayers and “I’m sorry” messages. I cried as I read each of them but was thankful to have so much support. It’s such a wonderful feeling to know how many lives I’ve touched in some way or another and that I’ve treated people in such a way that makes them want to reach out to me and my family in our extreme time of need. I love all of you and things like this really do help one to see a bigger picture in life and appreciate things more. I honestly still don’t think the truth and seriousness of what I’m up against has really hit me yet, but when it does, I know I have so many wonderful people standing by me and my family.
On a side note: I first met with my regular doctor (primary care physician) almost a month ago to first let him know my symptoms: headaches, back aches, numbness and tingling in left arm, numbness and tingling in the upper right part of my back, dizziness, pain when bending my head forward or looking side to side. He then referred me to a neurologist. When I originally scheduled my appointment for the neurologist it wasn’t supposed to happen until June 27th but then I finally gave in and called them back and rescheduled and was able to get in on the 14th. Also, when the lady called me Thursday to schedule my MRI, she had the opening Friday at 7:45 (yesterday morning) only because someone had called and cancelled. If I didn’t get that slot then the next available would have been the middle of July. Considering my original neurologist appointment was supposed to be June 27th, I wouldn’t have been able to get the MRI until after that, which probably would’ve been in August sometime. So, I really hope I didn’t lose you in that entire explanation but what it all comes down to is that someone was watching over me and we caught this earlier than we might have.
I can never completely express how grateful my family and I are for all of your love and support! I appreciate every positive, loving word. I will keep you posted as much as I can. I will update this blog as much as I can because photography is my passion and I am dedicated to this and in times of sickness, I think it’s important to try and do what you love as much as you can. So I am going to soak up the sun, take too many photos, laugh too much, love even more and just enjoy everything!
Love,
Heather
Friday, June 17, 2011
Day 167
A photo from Holley falls. I decided I really want a little paddle boat to use and stick it right in the middle back there… it’d be perfect for couple photos!
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Day 162
Yesterday I posted about wanting my lilies to open… today I go outside and it had opened! :-)
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Friday, June 10, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Monday, June 6, 2011
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Day 154
Today’s post is going to have a few photos. Yesterday I participated in American Cancer Society’s “Relay For Life” and wanted to share some of the photos…
First up, we have the opening of the event and intro of survivors!
Here is a photo of my Mom and Grandma.. We lost my Grandpa (their Husband and Father) in 2009 to cancer.
Here is Grams and I… We were so excited to have her join us this year!
This is my Mom and I …this was our 2nd year participating!
For the beginning of the survivors lap!
Luminary bags – each one is decorated to honor someone who lost their fight to cancer! Late at night during the event, each bag is lit and they surround the entire track. Very beautiful.
Here I am showing support for my team “Fight For Lives”. I am captain of our team. Also participating in the “Red, White & Blue” them that was put in place for this year.
Here are wonderful teammates Beth and her Mom! Beth participated with us last year and we were happy to welcome her Mom on the team this year!
This is the adorable lantern my Mom brought to add to the festive “Red, White and Blue” theme!
I made a banner for our team to display. It shows many names of those who lost their fight and for those still fighting.
Lastly, here is my Mom, Grams and I again… displaying our festive items!
Friday, June 3, 2011
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
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