When my thoughts get the best of me…..

First, I’d like to apologize in advance, as I am sure this blog post will turn into a rambling of sorts. I try to keep it organized but sometimes I get going in all my thoughts.

Lately, I find myself sitting here more and more and questioning things. Then again, what else are you supposed to do when you’re just supposed to sit around recovering from a brain surgery?!

The biggest “worry” on my mind lately, is do I thank everyone enough? Have I really been able to show my true gratitude and appreciation for all of you? Every day I receive an endless amount of love, support, thoughts, prayers, hugs, kisses, get-well wishes, cards, flowers and so much more. I feel like I can never say thank-you enough, but I also feel like a broken record at times because I don’t know what else to say except for “thank you”.

My point is – I can never fully explain to you how much it means to have so much support from all of you! I have a wonderful support group of family and friends – best friends who I consider my family. Then there is a whole other group of support that I’ve received and that’s been from people who I don’t even know. Those of you who only a month ago were considered “strangers” have now reached a special place in my heart as well. It truly is such an amazing feeling to experience so many people pull together to help another person out. You can truly see the real character of a person who helps someone else out knowing there may be nothing in return. I wish I had something more to offer each and every one of you, but it all comes back to my thankfulness to have each of you in my support system. I really need to send out a special thank-you to those very wonderful and amazing people who sat in the waiting room the ENTIRE 13 hours of my surgery. [So, thank you to amazing & strong future hubby Tony, my wonderful Mother Wendy, my courageous brother Andrew, my beautiful sister Deserae and to my 2 amazing best friends Catie and Krista! I can’t imagine what you all endured as seconds turned into minutes and those minutes turned into hours. I am sure it felt like days of waiting around and I can NEVER thank you all enough!]

So, I’d have to say my recovery is going fairly well now; despite the headaches and back pain. Other than that, I don’t have many complaints. Since I’ve been out of the hospital I have had a cookout with family and friends, visited the county fair with my Mom & daughter, took my amazing boyfriend to a glass museum for his birthday, had tons of visitors at my house and I have even been able to slowly get back to my photography. I am a very lucky and blessed person and I thank God everyday for the strength he has given to me, my doctors/surgeon, and to everyone who has stuck by my side and my family’s side to support us in this difficult time!

I don’t think I ever mentioned it before but I signed consent forms about 2 weeks before my surgery and donated my tumor to not one, but two different research studies! I hope that I am able to help find a cure, or even answers, so no one else has to experience what I went through/will be facing.

I go back August 30^th for my post-op check up and I am hoping everything goes wonderfully. I am not allowed to lift anymore than ten pounds until after that day, and even then they might make me wait longer. I normally wouldn’t care, but I can’t even pick up my own daughter and that breaks my heart. The day she was rushed into the hospital for seizures [which happened while I was in the hospital] it absolutely broke my heart that I couldn’t pick my baby up and hold her and comfort her… I am really looking forward to being able to be more active with her!

I start my radiation treatments on Thursday August 11, 2011. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit nervous. The biggest side effect that they said I will be facing is extreme fatigue. This is the reason I will have to fully or partially withdraw from college until after radiation is complete. There’s also a possibility of hair loss which does have me worried for a bit now. It’s strange because when I thought I’d have to cut all of my hair off before surgery – it didn’t bother me at all. After surgery I had a reaction on my head in one of the locations where a pin was placed to keep my head still during surgery. Because of this, I have lost a large amount of hair in that area. Its two completely different feelings/situations to cut your hair all off versus running your hand through your hair and having a huge clump of it fall out easier than wind blowing on a stormy day. I’ve spent a lot of time crying over it and I’m trying to bring myself to terms with the fact that it’s just another part of my healing process.

Through everything I’ve endured over the last 7 weeks, I truly see how much many of us take life for granted. You never realize how much certain things mean to you until you’re unable to do them anymore. Everything from brushing your teeth or taking a shower on your own to playing with your child or celebrating in your friend’s wedding day. Every little thing in our daily lives counts and is worth something. Whether it’s good or bad, it has some reason for being there or occurring. I’d like to say I have fully learned to and put into action living each day to its fullest but it’s a bit difficult to do while still recovering. So instead, I take in and enjoy each moment of watching my daughter run around the house… growing, learning, playing. She explores everything and I swear she is a little tape recorder and can repeat anything you tell her to. As soon as I am recovered though, I have every intention of going out into the big world and “livin’ it up” as some call it. I want to try things I normally wouldn’t, I want to go places I’ve never been, I want to do it all.

Let’s have a little “challenge” for today’s blog note. I want each of you who reads this to leave a comment and share 3 things you have on your “bucket list”.

As a closing note, please don’t forget that Tony and I are entered in an amazing contest and we are currently in first place. There’s still 14 days left to vote though and 2^nd place is only about 60 votes behind so anything could happen still. Please visit www.platinumproposal.com and register to vote. You must use a VALID email address. (I promise, they don’t spam you!) Then they will e-mail you a password. This password is going to look a little crazy. If you choose to copy and paste it to log-in then make sure there are NO spaces before or after the password. If you choose to type it to log-in then make sure you type it EXACTLY as it shows! Passwords are case sensitive. Also, if you forget your password then they give you the option to make up your own password which makes it a wholeee lot easier! Then once you’re logged in, find our story “FROM PIZZA TO PASSION” by Anthony & Heather and then click the blue “VOTE” button. **PLEASE NOTE: Clicking “like” DOES NOT count as a vote and will not help us out!**

Thanks again everyone for all of your love and support!

~ Heather